Late night thought...

It is late...my mind and memories seem twisted, torn...pain filled heart.

Trying to do the right thing...work hard, make good decisions...

Constantly feeling As though I am a failure in life...

Broken heart...twisted memories...self-doubt looming over me constantly.

Lost

There comes a point in time when it seems that the world is conspiring against you...when something happens that causes one to rethink or doubt who they thought they were. How does one move forward when the world now seems so dim. I have yet to figure it out, but maybe someday.

The lonely night grasps at my soul

The weight of a a guilt that is not mine

Longing for a gentle touch, tender embrace

Letting me know that all will be fine

A brave face presented

To hide all my fears

A smile, forced laugh

To stave off the flow of tears

But slowly, the emptiness that I feel

Builds and builds, so deeply inside

Don't let the see, my inner heart

Don't let them know that I am falling apart 

Wanting so badly to feel complete

Not knowing if I will ever feel 

The love of another for me

Caring for who I am

I wish that I knew the thoughts in her head

Could see the feelings in her heart

And let I stand, forevermore

A sad and lonely man.

Thought

There are moments when I am absolutely convinced that I am never destined to be happy, feel peace...

No one deserves that...

While my faith has never faltered or waivered, the saying "you're given challenges to help you grow" and "you'll never be given more than you can handle" are becoming absolutely false and hollow to me...

Mornings

There are some days, when I awake, that loneliness grasps at my heart. Do I not want a relationship because I don't want to work at one, or because I deeply feel as if I am not worthy to have one?

Hmm...a thought

When you meet someone who makes you fantastically nervous inside, realizing that it will never come to be...

One year...

It's been one year...one year since what I thought was my dream was completely shattered...

I still am struggling to move on...even wanting to

I try to put on a good front, but it is a complete façade...i false wall meant to fool everyone around...

I just don't care anymore...about anything or anyone ... At all 

I honestly want to disappear from the world...l see no end in sight...

Sigh...and yet, I shall tread on into the night as If I am fine...not letting anyone see the truth...

So many words, but just don't care to use them anymore