Have you ever had that moment in time, where you realize that doing the right thing for people makes you their scapegoat at times?
I had the opportunity this last week to stay with my kids as their mom was taking care of herself mentally. love spending time with them! and I think that we had a really good time together, even under the circumstances...
so here are my concerns today...
I have a little one who feels like she is responsible for her mom's issues. she does not feel safe at their house...
the first words spoken after mom checked out of the hospital..."man, i really missed my phone"...and..."i am going over to a friend’s house once we get home." we got her home, and she went directly to her bedroom, closing the door, and went straight to her many electronic devices...little interaction with the kids...all with her online people
in the last 3 months, i have paid enough child support for 5 months...but none of the bills are being paid...laundry is not being done...kids are going to school unkempt and with un-clean clothes day after day...
these are my concerns...not complaints
Anything that befalls me, i draw up to Karma...but what i fail to understand is how i can be nothing but cordial, going above and beyond for someone and be stabbed in the back over and over by the same person...
treatment to my face is happy, thankful...and i do not expect anything in return...i am beyond what we had
but the portrait that is painted to her friends is that of an abusive ass...uncaring...mean spirited...
at what point do we step up and take personal responsibilities for our own actions?
Here is what i know i am responsible for:
1- dealing with frustration incorrectly, causing me to lose my temper throughout the years 3 or 4 times
Here is what i am not responsible for, and do not have control of:
1- getting married because you were pregnant and scared, even though you didn't love the man
2- caring more about the man that you were having an affair with more than your husband at the end, even though he did not care about you
4- locking yourself behind closed doors instead of spending quality time with your family
5- spending more money on wine, clothing for yourself, and toys for yourself than on food and shelter for the kids
6- misrepresenting what your former spouse really is
for myself, i have let this crap go and no longer have feelings about it; however, i am dad...and this crap affects my kids everyday...i will say this one last time...I loved you and wanted to be with you every single day that we were together. You pushed me away from yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally from the time before we were married. I did get frustrated because i did not understand why, and i did hurt you a couple of times, and went too far one time, for which i am very sorry. i am not a monster...nor have i ever been. i love our kids and would do anything for them. i do not deserve the lies and treatment...i did not force you to make the choices you have, they are not my doing...you chose them.
i will never understand you, even though i thought that i did...but i will gently warn you that those people who are most important to us know the truth, can see it, and eventually the lies will come back...it's karma...it comes around to all of us...
