What am I...

So the question I pose this evening is what am I to you?

For one...I am not your confidant, your shoulder to cry on...you had that opportunity for so many years and threw it away to fill some hole that you perceived in yourself...never returning love, but always wanting the attention...

For the other...what am I to you? Have I in some manner offended you? I feel as though I am a bother to you, a millstone around your neck...and yes, I know that you go in cycles, but this unknowing is painful...

So who are you to me?

The first, you are my past...not present nor future...we are tied by seven, and that is all...

For the other, you are my sanity, my friend that I trust more than any other...your silence is killing me...I don't understand what i understand...

I looked across the room and once again, for a brief moment beheld your beauty...

So very close, but may as well be a million miles away...

Wishing that we could be so much closer

3/18

Life...

Never what one truly expects...

I am sure that everything happens for a reason..,

I don't know that I will ever understand it...

People go out of your life,

Destroying what you call normal

People come into your life,

Some can fill the voids

Others you want to fill the void, but cannot because of obstacles 

Why do I feel the way I do, knowing what I know 

How can I let that which is not really there  affect me so deeply

Better things have to come my way eventually...right?

And I don't mean to sound like I am complaining, because I am not 

It just seems as though life for me is a never ending challenge compounding into absolute chaos 

???

Why does it happen, that you always meet the unattainable woman...

Not that you couldn't be thick as theives, but that there is an unsurpassable obstacle, which always stands in the way...

So, I pine, I understand my station...

Wishing more than life itself to find that one,

Who not only fills my daytime thoughts, we brings random smiles to my face, but who can also, in some near future time, be my companion throughout life

Day and night, thick and thin, love of each other's lives

One day, that is my hope...

Thinking thought

Do you think of me?

When the wind is calm,

When your mind is free?

Do you think of me?

In the quiet of the morning

Or when life seems to overwhelm?

Do you think of me?

When the sun'a brightest rays light your day

Or the moon hides behind a cloud?

I think of you,

During all these times

And oh so many more

Through waking moments,

Peaceful dreams

And all times in between

I think of you 

And am so very glad 

That I can call you friend 

A new beginning

I am sitting this evening, pondering the events of the day today...and i think that i have really made a new connection with someone...

we are friends, and talk all the time, and while everything is rather...complicated, i would love nothing more than to spend time with her.

she is beautiful, and not just that superficial beauty that some women have, but beauty that stretches to her very core. hmmm...i cannot seem to get her out of my mind, and i sat here at 2:00 in the morning, still thinking about her, pondering when we will see each other again, how she feels...

i honestly don't know where this will end up...i think i know where i would like it too, but time will tell...

for now, we will see what happens day by day,,,