Thoughts

So I'm watching Perks of being a Wallflower, and really seeing my life right now kind of being played out in Charlie.

Charlie, the kid who has been shattered by circumstances in his past. He sits in the background, not thinking that anyone ever noticed him.

Falls for a beautiful girl, who also hides so many wounds from the past with her wonderful smile. 

We accept the love that we think we deserve...I've never felt like this...never been so at peace in my life...

Love represents so many things to different people...but what happens when the word itself brings such memories of pain and distress...and how do you help the one you love overcome that...

Sigh...heart so full, nerves twisted with the unknown...

Poem by my alter ego...

It all started out, the simplest of things
The connection we made
My heart growing wings

Would have been easier, if I hadn’t gotten involved
And I can do nothing, but sit back and drown
Tired of caring, tired of the tears
Tired of living this life full of fears

My heart had been shattered, my soul rent apart
You showed me how to mend the hurt
You healed my soul with the touch of your smile

Would have been easier, if I hadn’t gotten involved
And I can do nothing, but sit back and drown
Tired of caring, tired of the tears
Tired of living this life full of fears

We grew oh so close, the feelings grew strong
But the hurts from the past, came rushing to a front
And fear grabbed ahold, of our freshly torn hearts

Would have been easier, if I hadn’t gotten involved
And I can do nothing, but sit back and drown
Tired of caring, tired of the tears
Tired of living this life full of fears

We’ve stepped back a little, to give us both time
To build on the foundation, the connection we made
Building on the our feelings for one another
Growing stronger every day

Would have been easier, if I hadn’t gotten involved
But the joy that I feel at the mention of your name
Gives me hope, and dries all the tears
And swiftly beats back the woeful dread fears

I would never change
Having you in my life
You have given me hope
And driven out all strife…

- Apistotookii

Journey

I'm on a journey to clear my mind,

To free my soul

Of broken perception and misread clues

I am not as confident, as I once was

Before age and strife took it's toll

I daily live with shattered heart

Wishing that it once again would be full

I see your face, I hear your words

My feelings deepen, they grow

But wounded heart, again closed off

Allows me not back in

You friend and partner I'll forever be

Wishing deep within my soul

That you will see the man I am

With loving, caring, and faithful heart

So much more, I wish I could be

Your strength, your love, your supper

Too many years

I watched in pain

As life upon me 

Took its toll

I want nothing more 

Then to walk hand in hand 

Throughout our remainder of days

I do not know how to compete 

Against the hurt that he has caused

And fear above anything else 

That I will be judged against him

I am a sad and broken man

Desperately wanting to be whole

And with the strong connection we made

I believed it to be so

And once again I sit

Confused and dazed

Wondering where I stand