Self

I have never been one to write down the many jumbled thoughts that go through my head at any given times. I observe...it's what I always have done...everything that goes on around me. And as I observe, I ponder, connect, try to put things in their rightful place in the world (at least in my head anyway)...
Its ironic to me that no matter what choices you make in your life or paths that you choose to take, they lead you to where you are. And more importantly make you who you are. And as you realize this, you once again come to a crossroads in your path.
On the one hand, you can choose to take your heart and spirit captive, blinding yourself to the bright dawn that always makes its way to the morning...or you can choose to accept where you are, who you have become and build on it. It's all a matter of choice.
There are a lot of things that I have done or said in the past that have really enslaved my heart and soul...filling me with great self doubts and internal tribulations.
It took me losing a pretty lucrative career to humble myself enough to pull my head out of the muck and take a look at who I was and where my life was taking me. Not the quick glance, where you don't even scratch the surface...but the deep soul search...who have you become? Is it where you want to be?
Change has been a wonderful thing in my life. Most people, including some of my family have no clue to the depths of my soul searching and the faith that it has given me. Am I perfect...Absolutely not. But at least I give a damn about getting better. I know that I don't move forward very much every day, but at least I'm not slipping backwards.
Wow...as usual, my mind has gone blank again...which means that I am extremely tired and my body is shutting down for the night...